The 8 Lessons!

Life feels fairly hectic right now; articles to write, a new website to launch, our Speakeasy! workshop to run for the first time, my regular radio slot to prepare for, a couple of upcoming conferences to design, clients to see and….and…..and the other things in my life to live and do. It seems to offer up less time than I would like for gazing at the ceiling and simply…..thinking! I need that time to just think. Not long though. Too long and I get bored.

Not sure how I have managed to turn out a blog entry today with everything else to do. I think it must be my new found resolve to write in the blog at least once a week. Minimum! Once http://www.richardtyler.co.uk has launched, then all the new visitors will need some regularly updated pages and a hook to keep them returning for more…..so here it is.

Writing handouts for Speakeasy has forced me to look at how I speak in public – whether that is to a large group or 1:1. My experience as a speaker, tells me that if I transfer the skills I have across into other contexts within my life, I can establish and nurture even stronger relationships with others. So, I have created the 8 lessons. These are less about working with large groups and far more about how you connect with smaller groups and in less formal settings. Try these on for yourself and see what bounces back:

1. Establish a connection with your listeners by schmoozing about the easy stuff before leaping into a difficult idea that makes you (and others) nervous. If you can make people laugh early on, so much the better.
2. Make clear that the subject at hand does matter to you, but do keep in mind that, talking about a serious subject doesn’t require you to convey your message in heavy, morose tones. You can still keep it sounding light.
3. Let others draw their own conclusions. If you address people in such a way that suggests that if they don’t agree with you they’re deeply misguided and may go straight to hell……you’ll lose them! You’ll also lose them if you go on for too long.
4. Figure out when you can be spontaneous and wing it, and when to do your homework, prepare, and even rehearse.
5. Meet people wherever they are. Yes, you can make the exact same point to your sister who is the director of the West London Gay and Lesbian Coalition and your friend who heads the Christian Association for Family Values, but you can’t make that point in exactly the same way. It doesn’t mean that you need to be a wishy-washy, accommodating chameleon and if you want to be heard, you must help others feel at ease.
6. Treat every question and comment with respect. It never helps to shame people or make them feel stupid, even when they’re trying their best to wrong foot you!
7. Don’t pretend to have all the answers. It’s fine to say, “That’s an interesting idea. I’ll think about that one.” People actually like it when you indicate that you’re human.
8. You can’t make anybody hear you. Your daughter may be hanging on to your every word, or she may be fully absorbed in contemplating the magnolia walls or entertaining her own private thoughts. Your primary focus should be on what you want to say and how to best say it, rather than on needing a particular response from the other party.

Have fun with these. Test them out! Enjoy becoming a communication gymnast; flexible and agile.

Until the next time……